Discernment counseling is a short-term form of counseling for couples in which one or both partners are uncertain whether to stay together. It differs from couples therapy: its goal is not to solve the relationship's problems, but to help you gain clarity and confidence about the direction you want to take. It typically involves one to five sessions, and is available in person and online.
What Is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment counseling is designed for couples who are not in the same place about the future of the relationship. Often one partner is leaning toward ending it while the other hopes to preserve it. The approach draws on the model developed by William Doherty, PhD, at the University of Minnesota.
Traditional couples therapy assumes that both partners are committed to working on the relationship. Discernment counseling does not make that assumption. Instead, it helps you consider three paths: continuing as things are, moving toward separation or divorce, or committing to a defined period of intensive couples therapy, typically about six months, with divorce set aside.
The aim is not to push you toward a particular outcome. It is to help you make a decision you can feel confident about, whichever path you choose.
When Discernment Counseling May Fit
Different Positions
One partner is leaning toward ending the relationship while the other wants to preserve it.
Uncertainty
One or both partners are unsure and want to understand their options before deciding.
Before Divorce
You are considering divorce but want to feel certain that you have explored every option.
Stalled Counseling
Earlier counseling stopped helping because the two of you were not in the same place.
Children in the Picture
You have children and want to make this decision thoughtfully.
A Defined Process
You want a structured, time-limited process rather than an open-ended commitment.
How Our Approach Works
Clarifying Where You Each Stand
Your therapist learns about the relationship and what each partner hopes for, including any doubts, hopes, and concerns that have been hard to say aloud.
Understanding the Relationship
Your therapist helps you understand how the relationship reached this point, including each partner's contribution, without assigning blame to either of you.
Considering the Three Paths
You weigh continuing as you are, moving toward separation or divorce, or committing to intensive couples therapy with divorce set aside, and what each would mean for you and your family.
Reaching a Decision
The process ends when you have made a decision or understand more clearly what you need in order to make one. Your therapist can then help you begin couples therapy or plan the next steps of a separation.
Core Components of Care
Time-Limited Structure
A defined course of one to five sessions keeps the process focused and prevents it from becoming open-ended.
Individual and Joint Conversations
Time with each partner individually, as well as together, allows each person to speak candidly about their position.
Values-Based Decision Making
Both partners are supported in aligning their decision with their long-term values for themselves and their family.
How This Fits Within Psychology Partners Group
Whichever path you choose, the decision affects the whole family. If you decide to work on the relationship, your therapist can help you move into couples therapy. If you decide to separate, our clinicians can support you and your children through the transition, including child and adolescent therapy and family therapy. With your consent, your therapist can also coordinate with a colleague in individual therapy who is working with either of you.
